I woke up today at 7:15am with so much anger. I had a dream I saw him. The guy she left me for. I was at Kohl's (filling out too many job applications last night, my dreams are set in retail backdrops these days) and I saw him. We were both in the ladies section and I saw him. He was much bigger than me, but that didn't stop me from running up to him screaming, "Why would you go after a girl you know is in a relationship?" and "I hate you for breaking us up!". I caught up to him, told him I didn't care if he had five inches on me, knocked him to the ground, pummeled him and then saw my friends Rick and TJ. I ask TJ if this guy has "gay face", because he looked and looks like he does. Then I had this realization that my ex wasn't so much romantically involved, but just can't be alone.
I woke up at this point because of all the hate and anger rushing through my body. I'm still shaking a bit. The reality is that 3 weeks before she broke up with me, my ex befriended this guy on Facebook. Looking back, they probably met on the AA Valentine's party (I am not in AA, which ALL of her AA friends didn't "approve of ''). She assured me everything was great in our relationship, even though I sensed something was wrong.
I hate that I still dream about this. What she did hurt me really bad. She told me she loved me right up until the day I asked her if she was "in-love" with me and she said "no". This feeling will fade away. Writing this all out is helping purge this venom I feel for those two. They deserve each other, I guess.
She told me she was breaking up with me because she wanted to be alone and self-supporting. She even changed her Facebook side comment from the bizarre, "I have a daughter", to "I miss my daughter. I asked her point black about D.A.L. and she said he's just a friend and she wants to learn how to how guys friends with out crossing the line. She said she wants to be friends and she was only ending the relationship because it wasn't fair to me that I had these feelings she couldn't feel back.
Whatever...I don't understand how sick and selfish people can be. She lied right to my face so many times. I knew she was lying and she'd get mad saying I don't trust her. I should have broken up with her the FIRST time she cheated. Didn't physically cheat, but had a very inappropriate series of conversations with this prison guard she knew from her work release program.
Well, what a beautiful way to start the day. It's the start of a new month. An overcast morning, slightly colder than yesterday. Then again, it is the morning. I'm out.
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